Turn & Burn

A small, well dressed Asian woman, with large prescription glasses, walked in the room and shook my hand.

“Hi, I am Dr. Phon. I am your assigned therapist in this investigation. I am looking forward to getting into your mind.”, she smiled and then let out a laugh. She walked over to the windows. I could see small dust particles dancing around when she opened the blinds as the sun crept in from outside.

I just looked around the room and sat at one of the two chairs assigned to her desk. Two other chairs accompanied an area on the far end of the room. I assume that’s where we’ll be.

“I can see you are very observant Shan.”, she said watching me look around the room.

“I’ve been like that, more than ever, since I was a teenage girl. After what happened I just pay attention to even the slightest detail. Sometimes it can get pretty annoying but I’m comfortable living that way. I feel safer being aware.”

Dr. Phon sat down at her desk in front of me and started writing something on a clean sheet of paper. She got up.

“Follow me to this lovely area near the windows please.”, she insisted, as she grabbed her tape recorder and notepad.

I sat in this long chair that allowed me to lay back and look at the ceiling, in which I never noticed before. The whole ceiling was a beautifully painted flower mural. Almost like they want to make you lost in your own words without meds.

She sat down and placed the tape recorder beside her, on the end table, and hit record.

Dr. Phon, Shan Marie Jackson, first session. April 7th, 1978. 7:34:09 am. Shan from this point forward you are now being recorded. You have agreed to discuss these matters with me and anything you say can help or be held against you in this case. Please be open and honest so I can help you live a better life and possibly find this individual who has harmed you in the past. My first question to start off the session. What was that night like? Start from your thought 10 years ago from now. Think of any and everything you can remember.

I took a deep breath, laid back, and close my eyes.

“Can I close my eyes?”, I asked.

“Do whatever makes you as comfortable as possible.”, she replied. Dr. reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a bottle of prescription pills.

“This will help you feel better.”, she insisted.

The bottle had no label. I wanted to ask what it was but I didn’t care. This is a Doctor so I trust she knows what’s best. I took the pill and swallowed it and laid back. My head instantly started spinning like I had been drinking all night. Then it stopped. I just felt like I was on a swing at that point. I feel good. I feel safe.

I haven’t talked about this situation in years. I took me a long time to and the only reason I did that was because I told LeRenzo, my fiancé, and I had to start this session and be a part of this investigation because new evidence shows he’s still out there. Another survivor, who was actually kidnapped, tortured, and raped, escaped and made news big. She wanted to tell her truth but liked the fame that came along with it.

“My mother worked as a nurse at the hospital 6 days a week, 12 to 15 hour shifts and sometimes doubles. It was just she and I. My father died when I was just 3. We lived a pretty average lifestyle. Nothing drastic but we didn’t struggle like some could say; with a single mother back then especially.”

“Let’s try to stay on subject Shan. I know you may not feel like yourself right now but I really need you to stay focused on your feelings and really try and remember that day like you are there right now.”, she interrupted.

I tried to deeply envision myself 16 in my cousin’s bedroom, braiding her hair that night.

***

It was Thursday, May 23rd, 1968 at 10:38pm. I was braiding, my cousin, Amber’s hair and was suppose to be spending the night. Moma knew it would be dark before I finished and told me to pack a bag and just stay the night and come home after school so I wouldn’t have to walk.

“Shit, I left my homework and my gym clothes sitting on my dresser.”, I said finishing the last braid.

“You know my Moma will kill you if you walked home.”, she said looking in the bathroom mirror.

“I know but she won’t know. She’s working the late shift tonight at the Hospital.” Amber rolled her eyes. “Besides, she’d kill me if I failed this last grade essay before senior year.”

“I can’t walk with you because someone has to be here for the kids.”, she said.

“It’s just a few blocks over. I know, don’t talk to strangers, hurry back, look both ways, I got this girl.” I grabbed my backpack purse and house key and jetted out the door.

“Please be careful and hurry back Shan.”, Amber said. She has this look in her eye as she closed the front door and cut the porch light on.

***

I made it to my house pretty fast. Sure enough my gym clothes and homework were exactly where I left them.

“What a waste of time.” I locked the front door and headed down the same path I took to get here. My watch read 11:20pm which meant Moma and Aunt Debra would be getting off in 10 minutes.

I guess I’ll go the short cut way through the alley near the corner stores and boutiques.

***

The street lights were inaccurately lined up going down the street. Some were on but every two or three would be off and in between those shut off lights were pure darkness. I thought walking in the middle would be the best bet. It was dark and even though it was hot a chilled wind danced on my spine creating goosebumps.

A whistle came from the direction behind me. I turned and saw no one. “Huh?”

“Is anyone there?”, I asked walking faster. I saw no trace of any human life or any life at all as I stood alone on the street.

Again. The whistle came. I turned this time.

“Stop fucking around…” just then a man scared me as he bumped into me. Papers flew everywhere a satchel and some notebooks fell out of his hand.

“I am so sorry ma’am.” he said.

He looked very familiar but it didn’t hit me until he said – “Hey don’t you go to Goverdale High?” He reached out to shake my hand.

That was very awkward that he instantly knew me. Now that I think about it, he was that fine white man substitute teacher that comes around every once in a while. He was very tall and slender with a very clean cut and neat style. He was ginger, with a shoulder length hair cut and couldn’t be any older than his early or mid-20s.

“Yes I’m Shan. What’s your name again?” I looked at the papers on the ground that he has failed to try and pick up. He just started at me. I had forgotten for a moment that he was still holding my hand.

I looked back at the stuff on the ground.

“Oh silly me. You gonna help me pick this up?” he insisted, ignoring my question.

“I didn’t get your name.” I added as I helped him pick up his belongings.

“Where you headed? Pretty girl like you shouldn’t be walking in the dark like this?” Before I could answer. “You coming from some boy’s house?” He had this eerie look on his face. He almost seemed jittery or nervous like he was meeting one of his favorite singers for the first time.

“Not exactly.” I said. I glimpsed around and not a person or moving vehicle in sight. Something didn’t feel right.

“My family lives very close. I just needed to grab something really quick.”

We gathered all his stuff and then I noticed there was no car near.

“Where’s your car?”, I asked.

“It’s over there behind that creepy dumpster. It’s kind of hard to see. I parked there in the day time not knowing how scary it’ll look at night you know?”, he joked. He slowly talked and walked toward the car. I wasn’t heading in that direction.

“Oh no ma’am; I am taking you home. Do you know how much trouble I could get in if they knew I saw a student out walking late at night and didn’t report it or take them home? I could lose my job Shan.”, he sounded serious.

I don’t think he’s going to try anything funny. I do need to get back to Aunt Debra’s house before she does.

“You say it’s around the corner right? Come on and let’s get you home.” We walked toward the dumpster. He started looking around a second. So I started looking around also. We got to the side of the dumpster and there wasn’t a car but a van.

He stared rabbling on about something as he put some items in the trunk. I don’t remember. I may have tuned him out as I was absorbing everything going on in those seconds. Those few seconds are still very blurry. I really think I wasn’t listening and started getting a bad feeling about what was going on. He must’ve saw me standing there by the door staring into middle air.

“That door is hard to open. Here; I’ll get that for you.”, he politely insisted walking swiftly to my side of the van. A chill came over my body and a bad feeling passed my gut. It was the most terrifying moment of my life.

The therapist started writing something down. She adjusted her glasses.

“What happened next Shan?”, she said looking at me from the top of her lens.

“All hell broke loose.”

He opened the door and then stepped back so I could get in. I must’ve been scared or just naive then not to notice he opened the door with ease even though he insisted it was hard to open. We stared at each other for a moment and then that’s when I knew I’d never see day light again.

He quickly got behind he and a felt something go around my neck. I began to elbow him and fight back but nothing seemed to work as I could feel my life slipping away. I couldn’t see what it was but I knew it had to be rope because the little rope bristles stung as it got tighter around my throat. He twisted and pulled it so tight my vision became blurry. The street lights blurred. His face became a black smudge.

When I started to gain conscience I realized I was in the passenger side of his car. My head was hurting extremely bad as I pretended to be still unconscienced. I couldn’t move my hands. They were tied to the back and I was in the most awkward and painful position. I just remained still.

***

There was no telling how long we had been driving when I was knocked out. I just know we’d been in the van for at least 30 minutes or so. I saw traffic lights, and then many street lights from my one eye view laying against the window.

The van made a sharp turn onto some graveled road and them he parked and got out. I was so tempted to move, scream, try to look or anything but I knew better. He couldn’t have been far. I just lied there still, head throbbing. I don’t recall him hitting my head but it hurt like never before. He must’ve done it while I was knocked out. I could tell it was bleeding also as the drops of blood crawled down my face.

Foot steps came quickly toward my side. The door swung open. He grabbed me and carried me over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I could see nothing but the back of his legs and the ground. If I moved even a little, he’d feel the muscles in my stomach and know I wasn’t knocked out still.

A door opened and he locked it back and put the keys in his back pocket. There was no sign of light anywhere but he knew his way around perfectly. We went down some stairs. Each step I counted felt like a shovel going into the earth, digging a deeper grave for me.

I didn’t realize tears were coming down my face until the therapist handed me a tissue.

“It’s ok. Go on Shan. Tell me what you saw next.”, she demanded.

We reached the 30th step and walked a few feet to the right where he turned on a light switch. I closed my eyes tight from then on. The smell was so terrible; I could barely maintain being still without attempting to throw up. It reeked of death and acts of horror without me being able to see or move yet.

He carried me over to a large man made kettle-like cage and shut it. I didn’t hear a lock or even a latch. What he didn’t know was I had fished the dangling keys right out his back pocket when he placed me down. A hot tear crawled out my eye onto the dirty palette I laid on. Some sign of hope maybe. I wanted to open my eyes. He crawled in the cage with me.

“He must know I have the keys!” He licked the side of my face.

“Let’s make sure you’re still good and sleep now girl.” He said to me with some weird southern accent, completely different from how he really talks.

“I’ve had my eye on you awhile girl. This was my lucky night. I gotta place just for you girl.”

He ripped my shirt off. He started to lick my breast with his dirty mouth. He struggled, as I tried to lie stiff and heavy, taking my pants off. He took a big hand full of what felt like Vaseline and put it on my vagina and stuck half of his hand inside of me. He started to unclothed himself as I heard his belt and pants zipper. Then he put a wet cloth over my face. I heard him murmur, “Whoa! We got ourselves a live virgin here people. Purest dark meat!” As he roughly opened my legs I went into a deep sleep.

I heard his shoes clacking walking calmly to the other end of the room and then out some exit. I heard a shower start going.

I slowly opened my eyes. Completely forgetting where I was or what was going on.

“Oh my god!” It took everything in me not to scream. A torso of a girl, about my age, laid right in front of me with her mouth and teeth exposed. Her head was bashed in and she was almost unrecognizable. The bottom half of her body was missing. I threw up in my mouth. At that moment I almost lost hope. I thought to myself, “Is this how I am going to die? What will be the last moment before I take my last breath? Will it hurt? What will Mama be feeling? All these thoughts bottled within me as I thought about how stupid I was to even go near this man’s car.

Just then something came across me and made me have to at least attempt to get out. If that latch was not opened or restricted in any way, then I knew my life would change forever the next time I saw him.

Naked with no clothes, I reached under the padding and grabbed the keys. I walked to the gate door and it was opened. I ran like God told me himself. “Run child.”

Dr. wrote down a few more things.

“What was it like to get away?”, she asked.

“It felt like coming up from deep water. That first breath the second from being close to drowning.”

“Ok Shan. Today’s session is over. We will meet again tomorrow morning at 7:30 sharp.”. She smiled, turned the recorder off and shook my hand.

“I hope they find the bastard and fry him.”, she said.

***

“It is very sudden. Are you sure you want to go?”, Lee asked. It was Thursday evening. The sun began to set outside as I gaze out the window from across the room. I sat on the bar stool in the kitchen, sipping wine watching Lee cook spaghetti and talk about this festival in Arkansas.

“I have a session early tomorrow morning. You get off work at 5. We can hit the road by 6 and make it by mid night.” I was kissing him on his back.

LeRenzo, better known as, My sweet Lee, was indeed the apple of my eye. We became very close in school. We both had to take this class for torn teens who went through abuse. He was never physically abused just a witness to one.

His father would rape his mother and make him and his siblings watch. He said he told them, “this is how God wants us to treat women.” He had his own sick cult going amongst his family until he died of a heart attack. This freed everyone of their sentence and let the truth come to light.

He never shows any sign of abuse besides being so strong and positive. He helped me so much when I was feeling down and depressed or afraid. He seemed fearless to me. He helped me see, what we like to call. “The better light”.

“I just want you to experience something different and relax. This whole investigation has opened up an old wound you were just trying to get past. I’m always here to protect you.”, he said kissing me.

***

I opened my eyes are saw nothing but darkness and road ahead of us. Two little dots, from the one car’s head lights, shined about a quarter of a mile behind us. The mild breeze crept from one window through the next as Lee rested one hand on my thigh while he drove. The night sky filled with dancing stars beaming down on us. I felt relaxed and at peace.

I just played with his locs and watched the lined on the road get swallowed underneath the car.

“We’ll be there in a couple of more hours baby.”, Lee said examining the map. I took it out of his hand.

“Give me that map. That’s why I am here riding shot gun. You just keep your eyes on the road.”, I smiled.

“Yea ok, fine. What about my hands. I can’t keep them off of you.”, he said gripping my thigh.

I took my seat belt off, moved right beside him, started kissing his face and unbuttoned his pants. I kissed his chest and down to his stomach.

“Ah. Agh shit!”, Lee yelled.

“What baby?”, I got up and looked out the wind shield.

“Gas light just came on. I must’ve been distracted and didn’t notice.”, he said, tapping the steering wheel.

“I bet you were distracted I said kissing him. It’s ok. I’m sure there’s a gas station near.

“I don’t know. We passed one up some miles back and I don’t think they’ll be another for some time.”, he said worried.

“Well what do you want to do Lee? I don’t want to be on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere, at night.”, I said.

I felt myself began to panic as my heart started beating faster. The air grew thicker.

“Just calm down Shan. We’ll wait for the next sign and see if a gas station or hotel is near and stop at which ever comes first ok?”, he said looking at me.

“Ok.”

I could see the signs coming up ahead.

“Gas. 25 Miles. Motel 15 Miles. Rest Stop 20 Miles.”, I read aload. The car started making noises and started driving odd.

“It’s running out now.”, Lee said pulling over to the right.

“I’ll just have to see if the people behind us can give us a lift to get some gas.”

The car behind us lights grew larger as they got closer. I could see now that no other cars were on the road except us.

“We can’t just get in the car with some strangers Lee. No I won’t. Can’t we just sleep in the car here tonight and lock the doors baby?”, I asked.

“No Shan, we need to get moving. It’s not safe to be on the side of the road like that. Besides I will always be with you. Nothing will ever happen to you if I’m here.” Lee grabbed my face and kiss me.

Beeep! Beep! Beep! Beeep! The car pulled up behind us pretty fast.

“I’m gonna get the gas can and ask them if they can give us a lift to the gas station. Lock the doors and don’t unlock them until you see me. I’ll be right back.” He kissed me on the forehead and got out the car.

I adjusted the rear view mirror to see the reflection of Lee. I saw him approach the vehicle but the lights were so bright I couldn’t see the car or anything. I look out my window and nothing but mere darkness surrounded me.

It’s been at least a minute what’s taking so long. Just then I could hear Lee’s foot steps coming toward the car. I saw him near the window and unlocked the door. Just then it opened roughly.

“Thank God baby, you almost scared me to death.”, I said letting out a sigh of relief. I looked at his face and blood dripped out his mouth as he plunged to the ground.

The ginger head man from a decade ago dived toward me in the car.

“Remember me!?”

I screamed and swung at him.

“Shan! Shan! Baby! It’s ok. It’s me Lee!” I opened my eyes and saw Lee driving staring at me sweating. He pulled in the motel 6 we were staying at for the night.

“What’s going on!”, I yelled.

“You fell asleep. The can ran out of gas so the man that’s been driving behind us had some gas in his van.

“Van?”

“What did he look like?”, I asked.

“Nice looking older white man, had a cap on so I couldn’t see his hair.”

“Lee we need to go.”

….To be continued